The Hofstadter Efficency
by EmelineCarter92
Summary: Leonard goes away on a Univeristy trip and Sheldon and Penny spend another summer together. Possibly AU season 9. Chapter 6 re-worked!
1. The Shenny Experiment

**Once again Leonard doesn't appear to miss her. This time Penny decides to break off the engagment, to make things more difficault she begins to realize something about Sheldon she never realized before. **

** Even the others begin to notice. **

**After their usual get together, Bernadette is the only one who feels something 'going on' between the two, at first. **

"What was going on in there?" Bernadette asked her husband as she climbed into the passenger seat.  
"I was feeling some very freaky vibes myself." Howard said. "Maybe I shouldn't have ordered the chicken calamari."  
"No, I mean Penny and Sheldon. They've been spending an awful lot of time together."  
"So? They did that one summer Leonard went on that trip for Hawking."  
"I know. But this is different somehow. They practically couldn't keep their hands off each other.  
and Sheldon doesn't let just anybody touch him."  
"Maybe he's just accustomed to her. They've known each other a long time."  
"I don't think that's it. But did you see the way they were looking at each other?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Sort of like we do."  
"Bernie, Penny and Sheldon?" He asked shocked, putting the keys in the ignition, but he paused, his mind daring to go there for a second. Then, he started the car, shaking it off, "Nah!"  
Bernadette shrugged in reply compliment. But the more she thought... there was something there. Why did it take this long to realize? Penny Birch and Sheldon Cooper were in love with each other and because of their blind stubborn nature they couldn't see it...yet.

It was operation get Penny and Sheldon together.  
The seed was already planted in her husbands mind, as for Raj, he was a softy when it came to romance, it shouldn't be that hard to get him on board.

The only big issue was Leonard and Amy.

This was going to take some time.

* * *

Leonard comes back. It has been a few days.  
Sheldon is taking a shower. He lets Penny in to use the bathroom.  
"Do not flush the toilet."  
"I won't." She assured him.  
"Sheldon." Came Leonard's voice from the hallway.  
"oh crap on a cracker."  
"I'm in the shower." Sheldon answered back, peeking his head out from the certain.  
Penny looked at him with a look that read, oh my god, why'd you answer?  
"I think I forgot my phone." Leonard's voice was coming closer.  
"Oh Crap!" Penny looked for a place to hide. When she couldn't find one she opted for the shower.  
Sheldon looked over his shoulder at her  
Penny stared at his face, her eyes litteraly glued there. They looked like they were about to pop out of her head. She did not want to look down. Now Penny was no stranger to the male was just that he was her best friend. And she never thought of him in any other way.  
The bathroom door opened.  
She never had taken a shower with Leonard. Standing in a shower with her ex's friend, how would that look? She knew how jelous Leonard could get, taking things to the extreme when they really meant nothing. She prayed he wouldn't discover them.  
"Is there someone else here with you? I thought I heard another voice." Leonard looked at the shower, he thought he could see a vauge silhouette through the certian.  
"I can't talk Leonard, I'm getting soap in my mouth." Sheldon said.  
"Ok. Hey uh, Sheldon I'm going out. Howard and I are going to go over my reasearch. If you want to come, we can wait for you. I know how much it means to you..."  
"No you go on ahead Leonard. It doesn't bother me a bit, little buddy. You go out and enjoy yourself."  
"Alright. You...you to." Leonard closed the door behind him.  
What the hell was that? Penny mouthed.  
Like you could've done any better. His expression read.  
He turned his back to her. She just smiled, her eyes slightly closed, she looked down,  
Her face turning red, her eyes wide, then slowly but surley, the smile crept back on her face in the form of a smirk. Crossing her arms, directing her gaze away she exited the shower.

* * *

"I think Sheldon has a girl in there." Leonard told his friend as he entered the apartment.  
"What'd make you say that?" Howard ears seemed to perk up with the news. "Are you sure that's possible? Sheldon, a girl, in the shower?"  
"I thought I saw an extra shadow is all. Do you think...did Sheldon and Amy..."  
"It can't be Amy."  
"Why not? Who else would It be?"  
"Haven't you heard? Amy and Sheldon broke up, or what they called a separation trial period, think that counts as a break up. Anyway she went to Saudi Arabia to meet this Prince Faisal the one that backs her research." They both left the apartment.


	2. The Initiated Hug Sequence

Had Sheldon Cooper felt nervous of the thought of his friend finding her in the shower with him?

She was embarrassed of her feeling of lust. Maybe she needed sex. She thought of going back to Leonard. But if she did that she would turn back to the bottle, and the whole time she'd probably be thinking about Sheldon.

She was afraid of her and Sheldon's next meet. If the embarrassment would linger it would lead to an awkward situation, at least on her part, She didn't think that she saw her 'peek' He peeked at her once. So she guess she was even.

They had planned to go for a walk that morning.

When 8 a.m. rolled around Sheldon was right on time.

Penny asked him why he always belittled her education every time they were around the guys but never when it was just the two of them.

"I am aware that when the males of the human species 'hang out' they act like complete Jack asses."

Penny smiled. "But Leonard acts like that all the time."

"That's just Leonard and his unresolved mommy issues."

This made Penny laugh.

"I don't think you're stupid Penny." Sheldon said. " Only that you merely lack confidence.'

"Aw, thank you sweetie."

Across the hall, Leonard, having heard the commotion, opens the door, and sees Penny with Sheldon. She goes to hug Sheldon. His body is tense for a second. Then, to Leonard's, as much as Penny's, he relaxes, though it is obvious that he is unsure what to do with his hands (plus he had a bag of carry out in one of them) From what Leonard can tell from Sheldon's expression, he doesn't understand why she is hugging him. Awkwardly he puts his hands around her. She stood up on his toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. To Leonard's surprise Sheldon didn't even flinch.

* * *

"The first time I go away Raj can speak to woman, the second time, Sheldon lets people touch him now?"

"He only lets Penny touch him." Raj corrects.

"Leonard, come on. If any one deserves Penny it's Sheldon. They both deserve each other. Howard said, picking at his tai food with his fork.  
Leonard (talking about Bernadette) Did she get to you too? You're all in on _it?_  
_Raj _shakes his head "you make it hard for me to be your friend sometimes, dude."

"Come on guys..."

"We never realized it before, how badly you treated Penny." Howard started.

"I'm starting to feel like this is an intervention." Leonard said.

"It is. Because it's yours." says Raj.

"We're not attacking you, man. We're your friends. And so are Penny and Sheldon. We don't want you to do anything that'll hurt them."

"Penny's proved to us that there's more to Sheldon than what meets the eye." Bernadette pointed out. "He really is a caring person, with feelings. He just displays them differently than we're familiar with. And Penny gets that. She has more patience with Sheldon than we've ever had. combined." This wasn't going to be east.

They needed Amy here to collaborate. She was still in Saudi Arabia with Prince Faisal.

The universe was against them right now.

* * *

**AN: Another short chapter I know. It takes me awhile to get new ideas, plus work, and you know life. But I am glad you are enjoying the story. So far Bernadette and Raj are on board with team Shenny, Howard is just going along with it. Penny and Sheldon still view each other as nothing more but friends. That will change when Amy comes back. SPOILER!**


	3. The Awkwardness Factor

When Penny excited her apartment, Leonard was leaving his at the same time.

She immediately felt the tension in the air. "Hi Leonard.

"Hi." He answered nonchalantly.

"Hi." Penny looked down at her feet, shuffling.

She was reminded of their slightly awkward first meeting, none of them had known what to say next.

Her eyes had gone directly to Sheldon, as Leonard announced his name.

After a moment or two of silence he says, "Are you doing anything tonight. I wanted to talk..."

"I'm sorry sweetie." Penny said, as he desperately trying to think of the we already made plans."

The door to Penny's apartment opened.

Her gaze went to Sheldon, not taking her eyes off him.

"Yes." Sheldon nodded. "Penny and I have an integral engagement."

Leonard mentally winced hearing the word engagement, accompanied by an uneasy feeling.

"upon coming to a nutral agreement.." Sheldon continued.

"Honey." Penny interupted Sheldon, inticating to him that the word 'engagment' wasn't the right word to use at this moment. But as always, he didn't pick up on her social que.

"She promised to take me to the comic book store, and the train store in return that I accompany her to one of her auditions."

"Oh." Leonard simply said. He would have to talk with her later. "You two have fun."

He watched the two of them retreat down the flight of stairs, re-entering his and Sheldon's apartment only once they were out of sight.

He had wanted to see where he and Penny stood, even though she broke off the engagement. She had broken off commitments before. Maybe that was just it. Her commitment issues. He decided that he would try to give her some time and whatever she needed to do, he'd let her do it. This was a phase. Right now she needed solace in a friend. And Sheldon was the only one she felt closest to in the group. Leonard started wondering why he felt jealous. He didn't need to be, nor should he be feeling threatened. This was Sheldon. Whatever this was he'd get over it.

* * *

**AN: This is what I have so far. What direction would you want to see this go? I was going to have Amy return soon, Sheldon wants to get her back, ect, Penny tries to help and goes on a 'date' with Sheldon. Any ideas? I'm swamped with work, plus I'm going on vacation this weekend, so I'll be gone for three days. How about the Shower scene again revisited, Sheldon talks about it to Penny and she's uncomfortable with it.**


	4. The Date Night Conjeture

It was pretty late after they got done running errands and both of them were hungry. It was 7 p.m Penny suggested the restaurant. Of course Sheldon was reluctant It wasn't routine for him to just go to any old place to eat, let alone on a whim.  
Penny assured him, promising him it was 'Sheldon' approved.

Now no one could change Sheldon's mind. He didn't just give up his routine for anybody. But Penny had a way to bring him out of his comfort zone and he'd follow along with it. He didn't understand what it was about her that made him go out of his way for her. Doing things he otherwise would never find himself doing 7 years ago, yet be comfortable doing so. The little changes weren't terrifying, He still didn't allow jus anyone touch him, except for his sister and mother, and Penny.  
She didn't try to change him forcefully, it just happened. He didn't find it uncomfortable. He didn't think twice about the changes going on with in him, but when it came to the changes in his surroundings, he always felt the need to run away. He didn't feel that way with Penny.

* * *

It was a small, dim-lit little diner. Nice and cozy. She never brought Leonard here. She brought no one here.  
She would often come here after an audition and sit in a quiet little corner.

"You know Penny, I do enjoy your company."

"I do too." She set down her glass of wine. "You know what this is actually nice. I enjoyed tonight." She enjoyed sharing this place with him. Her private place, where she could get away from the chaos that is her life and just think, mostly about Leonard, where their relationship was going. If it was right. She would think: It's going nowhere, it isn't right. She'd guess that she had only stayed with him because she was the only thing she knew, relationship wise. No man had really respected her before and she thought that he did. Tonight was supposed to be a Leonard free night, but like those other nights those thoughts would always come back to her. "If I was here with Leonard he'd be showing me off like a trophy. Every time we'd get a male waiter or someone walked past our table he'd have to point out, 'this is my girlfriend, not my cousin or my sister."

"If I was here with Amy instead of you, she'd be demanding things highly inappropriate that she knows I can't provide for her. I find her desperate need for intimacy highly disturbing."  
Truth was he didn't find 'intimacy' with Penny intimidating. He didn't mind her touch.

After reading some of the relationship books, ironically Penny had gotten him, he and Penny had hit some of the 'milestones' more than he and Amy had.

He and Penny had a level of honesty between them that acceded no bounds. Not once could he bring up a time in which she had lied to him. She had lied all the time to Leonard. But not to him.

They both saw each other naked. Sure he'd seen Amy when she was sick. He had given her a bath to break the fever, like any parent would do when their child was sick.

But he and Penny shared a shower together, even though she'd been fully clothed at the time.  
The old Sheldon wouldn't have stood for that, having his personal space invaded , (which was a pretty big space.)  
He wasn't sure if that counted as a relationship milestone.

"I totally get that." Penny said with understanding. "Leonard was always rushing too far ahead. I had to put up with his whining after I'd refuse him coitus. He'd be doing all the wrong things. But when I'm with you I don't have to worry about being smart enough or saying something stupid without being criticized. I can just be myself. I mean I swear he feels the need to lie to me, just to tell me what I want to hear. You're the most honest date I had in years."

"This is a date?" His mind pondered, thinking back to when he first asked her out on a date. He had imagined it going something like this. When he had asked her he had thought that maybe the whole time she was dating Leonard she was actually trying to make him jealous. Being with Leonard so she could be close to him. But he had misinterpreted it wrong, or so according to her. When she turned him down he felt a little disappointed.

The first time he had met her, he found that he couldn't make eye contact with her. He just thought that it was just him, being uncomfortable talking with strangers, especially those who didn't have a scientific background. She was certainty an improvement on the last neighbor. She was a real woman. When she had used their shower, he discussed things with Leonard he would have never usually talked about. Having a naked woman in their apartment, seemed a pleasant thought.

The same feeling again, when she came running from the hallway in nothing but a towel. The Texan gentlemen in him made him look away at her indecency. But his eyes couldn't help but linger for a moment...

He was looking down at the ground, trying to avoid looking at her. But he wanted to look at her face. He couldn't get it out of his mind. His own face seemed to burn like it was on fire. He had thought he was coming down with something.

Within the next few weeks he had come down with the flu, everyone avoided him except for Penny. He had let her sing soft kitty, even implied her giving him a sponge bath. he felt comfortable enough around her but did not want to admit it. Those things he would only let his mother do.

It wasn't a motherly, or sisterly bond he had with Penny. Friendly sure. Penny was an important element in his life and could not imagine her not being part of the group. Life before Penny was unthinkable.

He didn't know what the feeling had been upon their first meeting, the moment their eyes first meant. No doubt there had been animal attraction there but it had gone further than that. He couldn't decipher the feeling the scientist in him didn't understand it, couldn't. Sheldon Cooper might be a genius but he was clueless when it came to love. Real love. Love for another person. He was Homo Novus. He had no need for feelings. He still had them but he'd always push them aside.

"No. That was sarcasm." Penny said nudging off her jacket. It was becoming too hot.

Sheldon could tell that it hadn't been sarcasm. He had picked up on her sarcasm and learned it well, though he still had problems detecting others sarcasm. "Penny, given the circumstantial surroundings, 90 percent of these people came here to be intimate, note that man is sitting in the same side booth as that woman." He motioned his head toward another couple to their left, "that man under the table, pretending to retrieve his fork, the candles, the dim lighting, many would argue that this is a date, and given the fact we enjoy each other's company in a setting that would other wise have been disastrous with our former respective lovers. While we ended up having a perfect time together. "

"Yeah, way too perfect." Her statement was followed by a pause, as if she was thinking hard about something, questioning something even. "Ok, this got to weird way too fast. Friends." She put her hand out across the table.  
Sheldon shook it. "Agreed." Then putting his hand on his knee he whipped it on his pants. He discreetly fished the small bottle of hand sanitizer out of his coat pocket without her seeing.  
His OCD kicking in.

The rest of the evening they ate in silence.

* * *

"Not a word to this about Leonard, even though nothing happened ok?" Penny asked, climbing the last set of stairs to their apartments.

"Right." Sheldon agreed. "I don't think of you in a romantic way, even though we both saw each other naked and shared a certain level of intimacy in the shower."  
"Ok, can you not bring up the fact that we were in the shower together."  
"You both saw each other naked?' Sheldon and Penny turned in unison, toward the direction on 4A. They saw Leonard standing there. He seemed half shocked. "In the shower?"

"It's not how it sounds." Penny tried to explains.

"Then how does it sound?"

"uh, listen, Leonard.' Sheldon started shuffling Leonard back to the apartment. "It was at separate times." Sheldon said, 'She was wearing clothes." His voice purposely loud so that Penny could hear it.

Like that would make a difference. Penny thought. "How could this night be any worse?" She unlocked her door and entered the dark apartment.

"Hello Bestie." Came a voice from inside.

Penny screamed even though she recognized who it belonged to.

* * *

**AN: My longest chapter yet. And thanks for the reviews. They inspire me to write more. I can't wait anymore than you can to see where this goes next! Keep the reviews coming. Much appreciated. **


	5. The Ex Presumption

Penny was relieved when she realised that it was just the answering machine.  
She'd meant to cancel her home phone and throw it out but it had gone missing, barried under a pile of hclothing.  
Well, she found it now.  
The message informed Penny that she, Amy, would be home in about two weaks. After the beep she covered the phone back up with the pile of old clothes, she had been thinking about giving to good will.  
When she had broken off the enagement with Leonard, she had been going through her clothes, mostly the ones she wore on date with him.

* * *

Leonard and Sheldon ran out of 4A at the same time. But Leonard was the one who got to Penny's door first (because Sheldon had to lock the door to 4A, due out of habit. Curses. His OCD tendancies could not have come at a better time. He thought to himself.  
"What happened?" Leonard asked with concern.  
"Nothing." Penny said.  
"I heard you scream." Leonard added.  
"And you possible woke up the whole apartment building, in the process." It was a Sheldon-y thing to say, concerning his needs over others. He was old Sheldon again, back in his own little world.  
"I thought I'd been robbed." Penny found herself lying to Leonard.  
"Are you sure?" Sheldon asked, peeking into apartment 4B. "That's how your apartment normally looks."  
Penny directed a scowl at Sheldon. Promting Leonard to look at his roomate, eyebrows slightly raised. The genuine side of him thought, they had been getting along so well, what happened? While the jelous part of him thought, Sheldon Cooper back at Zero, Leonard Hofstadter back on top.  
"Sheldon." Penny grabbed his arm. "I need you to come in here. I need your help."  
"Oh, alright. I'm not sure I can do much. The state of this place might be beyond help." He was acting like he didn't care about the mess but his OCD was threatening to go into overdrive, the urge to have everything neat and tidy. She was so disorderly. And he was so...neat. The room reeambled the choas in her life. Yet he could do nothing to set it straight but he could start with straightening her apartment.  
"You are unbelievable." Penny said in an aggitated voice.  
Leonard took this as sign that Penny wanted Sheldon to leave, his opertunity to finally talk to Penny. "Uh...Sheldon? Do you mind if I have a word with Penny?"  
"She needs help cleaning up." Sheldon began to protest, pointing at the pile of magazines he was organizing by alphabetical order.  
"Out." Leonard motioning with his thumb, pointing it in the direction of the hallway.  
Sheldon hung his head, like a child or a dog being punished for not following orders.  
Penny was not liking the way Leonard was treating him.  
He was not a kid or a dog that could be commanded around. "Leonard he can stay."

"No, Penny." Sheldon said putting up a hand up to stop her."I am sure you two have a lot of catching up to do." He left the apartment but a few seconds later he stepped back over the threshold. "I'll be back to help straighten up, later."Then he left again.

Penny found herself wishing he would come back.

* * *

Leonard and Penny were sitting on her couch, in the exact same positions they had been when Leonard had proposed.  
"Where do you see each other in our relationship? Are we back off, back on? Do you want to work on some things before the enagment is on again, or take some time if you need too."  
There he goes, making it sound like it was all her fault.  
"I don't think that's a good idea Leonard. I have too many things going on right now."  
"What stuff?"  
"Just stuff, ok? We're...I just feel like we're in seperate places right now. I don't have a solid career, you're busy with yours."  
"I thought you only needed me to be happy."  
"I lied, well, I mean I thought I did. Until you you went away again. You acted like you weren't missing me at all."  
"Just to clarify you called it off because I didn't miss you and was too bust for you? That's not a good reason to call off off an engagment. There's something else, isn't there?' Leonard did not mean to come off as brash, he was afraid of how things were going. He wanted Penny to be on the same page but she was drifting away from him. " I know what it is. This has to do with your comitment issues, doesn't it?'  
"How dare you bring my commitment issues into this. This has..."

Knock, Knock, Knock, "Penny and Leonard"  
Knock, Knock, Knock, "Penny and Leonard"  
Knock, Knock, Knock, "Penny and Leonard"

Sheldon opened the door.

"Sheldon, you can't just barge in here." Protested Leonard.  
"I just can't think a coherent thought knowing this mess is over here. Having this chaos right next door. It's enough to cause one nightmares.'  
"Let him clean." Penny said to Leonard. "It'll drive him crazy and he'll be up all night."  
They left Sheldon to his cleaning, while they continued their converstation.  
"If it's not your commitment issues, what is it?" Leonard asked Penny.  
"I had a lot of time to think. And decided I still have some growing up to do. We both do." She looked over at Sheldon.  
Leonard followed her gaze, then back at Penny. "Does it have to do with your little evening at dinner tonight?"  
"Are you even listenining..." She trailed off as a though stuck her. "Wait, you told him?" She asked Sheldon.  
"I only told him that we went out on a date and that we enjoyed each other company. I did not bring up the fact that you prefered mine over his..."  
"What?" Leonard begin, mouthing the word wow.  
"That wasn't your secret to tell Sheldon.'  
"I wasn't aware that it was a secret." Sheldon's memory recalling the events of the early evening. "You just mentioned it was a mere fact that I shouldn't have told Leonard."  
"Yes, you shouldn't have. And it wasn't a date." She directed the second sentance toward Leonard.  
"Are you sure?" Leonard asked. "The book he showed me, that you gave him, showed some circumstancial eveidence."  
"Nothing happened. Nothing will happen. Ever. We are friends. Do you honestly think anything could ever happen bewtween me and Sheldon?'  
Leonard did not anwser. He did not know how too. He did not know what this thing with Penny and Sheldon was. It was all kinds of messed up.  
"Oh my God!" This was not happening. She felt betrayed. "I don't want either of you right now."  
"What?" Leonard asked again, this time with more suprise.  
"Just get out."  
"What?"  
"Get out. Both of you."  
"You better listen to her. I think she's menstrating." Sheldon cautioned Leonard.  
Penny picked up the pillow she had wanted to burry her head into earlier, and hurled it at them. It hit the door as it closed behind Sheldon.

"So she doesn't want either of you as her boyfriend?" Howard asked, trying to keep up with the details of the story.  
"Boyfriend of Fiancee' Raj said, having paid more attention.  
The three of them were having the usual group take out night, except for Penny, who did not want to face Leonard and Sheldon at the moment, Amy, who was still in Saudi Arabia and Sheldon who had isolated himself in his bedroom.  
It was serious because even Bernadette couldn't get him to come out. And 'Bernie' according to Howard could make Sheldon do almost anything, but nowhere near as much as Penny could.

"Are you sure she didn't say "I don't want to deal with either of you right now?" Bernadette asked.

"No. She said, in her exact words, "I don't want to deal with either of you right now."

"See, she did say that."

"Oh, crap. I didn't listen to her."

"Digging a deeper hole, my dear friend.' Howard said, nodding toward him.

"Shut up. All of you. You've been against me trying to get Penny back since I came back."

"We're not against you. All I'm saying is what ever will be will be."

"Yeah. And if she wants you she'll come to you." Bernadette agreed."

"And if she picks Sheldon, you're screwed." Raj said.

"Nothing will happen between them. Penny said..." said Leonard.

"Yeah, Penny said." Raj was a bit skeptical.

* * *

Knock Knock Knock, Penny. I'm sorry.  
Knock Knock Knock, Penny. I'm sorry.  
Knock Knock Knock, Penny.

Penny opened her door. "Sheldon it's...  
" 3 a.m. yes. But that's not what I'm sorry for."  
"Then what are you doing here?'  
"Just as you predicted, I couldn't sleep,  
"You're lucky that I couldn't either. Now what did you come to apologize for?"  
"I didn't mean to tell Leonard, he forced it out of me."  
"I know. I should have known you'd crumple like a cheap suit under presure. You might as well come in." She opened the door wider. (She had to because of his height difference compared to Leonard. It was odd having Sheldon coming over, instead of Leonard, speaking of. " Listen about Leonard..."  
"That doesn't matter right now. The sooner I get started making this place livable again the better." He went back to the pile of magazines but Penny stopped him.

"Could you hold that off for a few more seconds? Come listen to this." She uncovered the home phone and played Amy's message. The whole time Sheldon was figiting, looking around the apartment, as if deciding right there, what goes where. He relaxed a little when she put her hand on his arm. He found the impulse for the need to clean lessen.

"What are we going to do?" Penny asked.  
"I don't know." Sheldon said, his arms crossed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to cleaning."  
Penny felt a smile grow on her face. Not putting off his impulsive need to clean, any further was a wise thing to do, even if it helped him think. _Yep, such a wackadoodle. But he's my wackadoodle._

Her wackadoodle? Where the hell had that come from? When did she start calling him hers?  
She felt her face flush at the thought.

"Penny you're turning red. Are you coming down with something?"

"Hmm." She looked at him, trying to keep herself from smiling. "oh, I must be." She said more to himself. "Now, let's clean the rest of this place. Then we'll decide what to do."

"Right." Sheldon said, as he folded a pair of her pajama bottoms. "Penny, where is the top to this?"  
"Oh, It doesn't have a top. All of my pajama's don't. I just where a cami with them."  
"No matching pajamas." He scoffed, shaking his head. "What order I can bring to your chaos Penny."  
There was truth to that sentence. When everything else around her was out of control, just his presence seemed to slow it down.  
As he tried to match her pair of socks, holding them up to the light, focusing on the length, she found herself smiling again.  
Stop it.  
She did not, could not feel that way. No way in hell.

'What do you want to do with these?' He picked up the pile of clothes that had been on top of the phone.  
"Oh just leave them there. I meant to give those to the good will.'  
He memorized every article of clothing in that pile with in seconds, all of them were associated with a special outing she had had with Leonard. His heart sunk when he saw the shirt. The shirt he first saw her in.  
"I'll take care of those." She said, taking them from him, setting them down on a chair. "You've done enough. I think we both need some sleep.' Before she knew it she was rushing him out he door.  
"Are you..."  
"Sure? Yes. I'm fine. Now goodnight, sweetie ok?'  
She shut the door behind him, locking it.  
She still wouldn't be getting sleep tonight. She still had to come up what to do when Amy came back and how to sort out what she was feeling before she came back.

What to do indeed. Her eyes went back to the pile of clothes. One shirt caught her eye. It was the light blue short sleeve with the purple print, the one she had warn when she first met Sheldon and Leonard. She snatched it up, balling it up, she threw it into her bedroom.

* * *

**AN: I am mentally screaming/squeling here. This is NOT how I intended the story to go. It took on a life of it's own. Which is, don't get me wrong a good thing. :) I am not trying to make Leonard look bad, nor will I with Amy. What Leonard is feeling for Penny, even he doesn't know it, is lust not love. But what is going on with Penny and Sheldon? Are they hiding/denying their feelings? And for what reasons? R&R as always. **


	6. The Friendship Reflection

"Why did you terminate your engagment to Leonard?" Sheldon asked Penny.

"We were in two different places in our lives. While he was away it made me realize that. I'm not sure if I want to give up my carrer seetle down and become a house wife, like he wanted me to. I couldn't sacrifice the things that I love because I wasn't sure if marring Leonard was what I really wanted. Marriage is a life long commitment. It's supposed to be forever."

"Do you fear all commitment or simply commitment to Leonard?"

"Sheldon." She started to scold him, but then she caught the look he was giving her. That innocent Sheldon Cooper look she had once referred to as "my little nephew couldn't figure out how I got his nose' She paused to think for a minute. "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"Well, you should. Maybe settling down is what you need but not with someone like Leonard."

Penny smiled. "Thanks again sweetie for your help."

"You promise to keep this place clean. I don't want to come back her while you're asleep. We all know how that worked out the fist time." _Penny is scary when she's angry. Just like Missy. I don't know which one is more frightening. _

"I'll try."

* * *

Leonard, Howard and Raj were having game night without their women. Howard and Raj were playing Just Dance for the Wii. Like always they were really into, eyes glues to the screen.  
except Leonard, who was sitting on the couch, not showing any real interest. He was deep in thought, thinking how he was going to make it up to Penny, coitus not being an option.  
Sheldon was sitting in his spot, staring at the screen. He also, appeared to be thinking hard about something.

_She needs order to ground her. We'd make each other better._

When did he start having thoughts like this?

His mind came back to his first meeting, to their first hug. All seemed like it would play out perfectly. He assumed that she wouldn't be a nuisance. When they had really gotten to know each other they could barely stand each other, yet their had been an underlining warmth to it. He had eventually found the 'brightness' she brought with her when she walked into a room, and her perkiness somewhat damn unnerving. But even then he had secretly enjoyed it.

He thought back to the moment he had accepted Penny as his friend. The moment he treasured with her the most, when she got him Leonard Nimoy's autograph. The intention behind the gift made him question their relationship paradigm. _Friends or lovers? _She had put so much thought behind it unlike with Leonard's gift.

He had never liked the idea of Leonard and Penny. He always thought it was a mistake and it would never end well. He had tried to convince Leonard of the reality of getting a girl like Penny was undermined and fruitless. Leonard went far enough as to thinking of getting a 'genetically engineered cat' obviously trying to convince himself that it was Leslie's rejection that was effecting him when reality it had to do with Penny. Sheldon saw right through this, pointing out that Penny did not reject him, Leonard didn't ask her out.

Sheldon was quick to deny that wasn't his suggestion but Leonard asked Penny out anyway. It was his fault he had created this monstrosity.

When Leonard and Penny had first broken up, he was happy, he loved sneaking around, meeting her in secret ,in several different places, even in the laundry room. It was like they were having a forbidden tryst.  
The moment he found out Penny had slept with Leonard after the break up, it was the worst day of his life. Strange that he would even care that much. But after all they were friends.

He focused on how their friendship had grown over the years. how much time they spent together. It was literally, any excuse; going shopping, the laundry room, paint balling, Halo night.  
Logically he thought she 'had a thing' for him. Who could resist a tall handsome, intelligent man like him.

_It wasn't her fault. Everybody loves Sheldon Cooper._

Maybe it was his witty quirks and his playfulness. According to 'relationship experts', he was to take the next step forward and ask her out on a date. It was better to know than never knowing. So he had proceeded.

It was after he started to reconsider weather or not start a relationship with Amy. True he didn't want to lose Amy to Stuart because he couldn't think of anyone as almost equally intelligent as he was but strictly for that purpose. His mind came back to Penny. Maybe he could give her some advice. She would know what to do. Maybe if Penny had 'a thing for him' after all he wouldn't have to pursue She was a mystery wrapped in an enigma herself. She challenged him like no other, a polar opposite. They were North and South pole.

He asked Penny for tips how to make Amy jealous, just in case Penny didn't come to the same revelation he did. Calling him sweetie all the time. She always sat next to him instead of Leonard, her boyfriend.

He didn't know when he put those 'feelings' or whatever they were for Penny aside. Perhaps he even held onto it whilst dating Amy and after Amy broke up with him, even when Penny clarified that he wasn't 'the guy'

At least he had given it a shot, just to come to an understanding, to put an end to this whatever he had for her since day one.

He often wrote to his MeeMaw, 'the real expert on love' in Sheldon's opinion, about what he felt about Penny, that other times he found her presence intimidating but at the same time enjoyable. Meemaw was convinced that her 'moonpie' was in a dilemma. That he did have feelings for Penny and had trouble sorting them out. Of course Sheldon denied it.

Having Penny discover those letters...

PUT DOWN THE LETTERS! He had screamed at her when she had gone through to his things to find his usb flash drive.

He was frightened of her discovering that he could have feelings, or at least that's what he convinced himself that was the reason. Those letters were personal. What would she think if she saw that those letters were mostly about her?

She didn't seem to have read one of them, just skimmed through, or by chance picked up a rare one that had nothing to do with her. Then it came to him,

Penny didn't like to read. (_How on earth did she remember her lines for auditions_?) One time he was grateful for that.

He had told his Grandmother about his plan to ask her out one a date, debating if he should go through with it. He almost didn't go through with it, if it hadn't been for the encouragement from his Meemaw. If he hadn't asked her Meemaw wouldn't have let him hear the end of it.

He wrote Meemaw that Penny had declined his request. His grandmother thought that maybe Penny was having something going on in her own life that she needed sorting and that he should do the next best thing, wait for her to sort it out or in Meemaw's words _'do what you think is best for her. Not just think what's best. A real man carries out his mission. _

If he could talk with her phone or face to face, his response would have been, _"yes ma'am."_

_Sheldon Lee Cooper did not carry something out and not finish it. _

By doing so, He told Penny, that day in the jewelry store, "You'd be lucky to land a fellow like me."

He would want Penny to have someone like him. Never would be dream that that someone could actually be him.

The jeweler had thought they were a couple, out shopping for wedding rings, perhaps. Sheldon found that somewhat laughable, until Penny snorted diversely, pointing out that, they were not a couple, it sort of hurt.

Then to cover up any possible sign of vulnerability, he diversely did they same. _"We are so not a couple."_

_"Fine." Whatever. _Sheldon, having trouble reading people's emotion's, body language and facial expression's, mistook her tone as being annoyed. It was defensive. Well he was an annoying person but she seemed to tolerate it better than other's. She could spend hours with him. She did not seem to want to bolt within the first few seconds, like Leonard, Howard or Raj when they were running him on his errands.

They spent two and a half hours in the Jewler's, trying to decide on something Amy would like, (Penny tried picking out something's, but Sheldon would point out that they were in 'Penny's taste." ) The last half hour she tried talking him out of buying Amy a tiara by telling him she'd let him buy the pocket watch.

They came to a final decision, only when the store was about to close.

Arriving at Penny's apartment, Sheldon took out his purchase from him pocket.

"Sheldon, that pocket watch is ridiculous."

"Nonsense, I look like a train conductor."

Penny smiled at his comment.

He couldn't stop the thought that came to mind, _Penny likes a man with a pocket watch._

When Amy came over, she instantly knew she was being tricked. Penny felt guilty. She had only been trying to help a friend.

"You think a piece of jewelry..." She pulled the tiara out of the bag, jumping up and down, hugging Sheldon.

"See, I told you the tiara was too much." Sheldon mocked.

Penny crossed her arms, hurt. Though not by his words. Of course Sheldon being impaired in the emotion detecting department, he did not notice. He was still thinking about that damn pocket watch.

He liked a woman that appreciated a good time piece. But that did not mean she liked him more than a friend.

_Never in a million years. _He thought to himself.

But now, a part of him thought that maybe she did still have something for him. She had appeared to have been attracted to his tall pale, lanky form, her eyes lingered far too long in the shower, as did his when he first saw her naked but that was because he never saw a woman naked before.

Out off all the moments he cherished with her, the meetings in the laundry room, their conversations on the stairs, he had enjoyed shopping with her the most. It was where he felt the most open with her.

He told her, as they were shopping for Leonard's going away party that he had been 'upset' that things were happening for Leonard and not for him, even more so when Leonard and Penny got engaged.  
It was all happening too fast. And maybe that day in the supermarket, was the beginning of his downhill spiral, until he couldn't handle it.  
True the changes had been too much, but the thought of loosing both of them, mostly Penny, made him feel powerless, abandoned. Sheldon Cooper was always one who had to have things under control. He made sure that there was at least one person that could take care of him when all else failed. And out of all his friends, who stood by him?  
Who sought him out when he was in distress?

Penny.

Who sang to him when he was sick?

Penny.

Who came to find him when he was at his wits ends when everything was changing around him and he felt helpless as his world seemed to crumble around him?

Penny.

That was when he told her that he loved her. Both of them were not sure if the other interrupted it different. They never brought it up. He didn't think it meant anything else than a love you felt for a friend or a family member. He had never said it to Amy, his friends, or his family, not his sister, not even his own mother.

Leonard snapped Sheldon out of his thought, asking what he was thinking about.

Sheldon babbled away about a joke he was trying to make up about quantum mechanics.

* * *

"Well?" Penny held out the phone to Sheldon, "Aren't you going to talk to her?"

"I don't want to talk to her. I want to be with you. I mean...we never get to spend this much time together outside the group. I don't want to be distracted when we're finally talking about..." He paused .

"Is something wrong, sweetie?" He shook his head. She leaned closer to him. His pulse began to accelerate. He closed his eyes, clenching his fists, using the gesture as a coping mechanism. His palms were sweaty. It was if her sudden proximity was too much for him. She was too close.

"Penny."

"Hmm?" He looked up at her, staring into her green eyes. He leaned closer. The scent of her green apple shampoo filled his nostril's, the most intoxicating smell. It was now or never. Leaning in even closer, not breaking eye contact, the entire descent to her lips. Her hand going up the back of his shirt.

Sheldon rolled off the bed and hit the floor. Instantly he starled awake, he let out a yell. Looking around his room he gave a sigh of relief. It had just been a dream. No. Not just a dream.

"What a nightmare." He stood up from the floor, crawling back into his bed. "I really have to start thinking what I'm going to do about Amy."

Sheldon, are you alright?" Came Leonard's voice from the other side of the wall.

"Yeah, I just fell off the bed. Just go back to sleep little buddy."

"Again?'

* * *

The comic book store had long been remodeled and was owned under new managment. It wasn't the same.

"What's going on with him? It looks like he's down in the dumps today." Raj asked Howard, as they rummaged through a crate of comics.

"I don't know? Why don't you go find out."

Raj came back a moment later. "Sheldon had a dirty dream about Penny!" Raj said to Howard.

" Did he? Really?" He looked up as Sheldon made his way over. "don't feel obligated to tell us any pacific details, and don't be ashamed to use words like 'fondle or forbidden. There's no pressure really.."

"Go suck an egg, Howard." Sheldon told him, walking away.

"Is it just me or did he just get really difensive?" Howard questioned.

Raj nodded. "When he was talking about the dream it was if he enjoyed it."

"It's nothing to be worked up about. I mean he probably didn't know what he was doing in that dream."

"Oh, he knew." Raj said, staring off as if recalling something, his eyebrow raised. "You know Bernadette seems to think there is something between Sheldon and Penny."

"Yeah. I was just going along with it at first." Howard said.

"Now when you think about it. it's kind of rubbing me the wrong way." Raj meant the dream but Howard shushed him as Sheldon was walking toward them.

"He's coming this way." Howard pretended to be busy, absorbed in the comics.

"You two are my ride home."

* * *

It was less than a week, and Amy would be coming home. Sheldon and Penny seemed to be at wits end with each other but they found some balance, seemingly quick to forgive each other, like the argument never happened.

"Nothing really did happen between us."

"She won't believe that. She thinks I'm too aloof, woman would practically be lining up at my door."

"Uh, do you see a line, Sheldon?" Penny looked down each end of the hallway.

"Not now. Soon after I find a new break in my research. In the meantime, I was looking for a new assistant. Someone to answer my phone, make the coffee, sort my paper work. And seeing that your career is not going anywhere at any given moment, I'm offering it to you until or if something comes up for you."

"You got me a job?"

"Dr. Gabelhauser doesn't hire anyone without a resume, and despite our misgivings about one another, he saw how sure I was of you, and accepted my suggestion. It wouldn't be an actual job, you don't have it yet, it'll be sort of a trial run."

"Ok. Great. When do I start?"

"You start tomorrow." He walked briskly to the door of his apartment. He seemed to be in a hurry to get away from her.

"Tomorrow?"

* * *

It was 8:45. Penny's first day started at exactly 9 a.m. Sheldon waited for her outside her apartment. She wasn't waiting for him outside her door like they had agreed upon. Which meant she hasn't woken up yet.

Instead of knocking on her door, he used his emergency key.

"Penny. Penny. Wake up. It's your first day. You're gonna be late."

"Five more minutes dad." Penny grumbled, turning over onto her stomach.

Sheldon looked at her at the thought of calling him 'dad' kind of perturbed him. "Penny."

"What?'

"Get scootin. 'I will not make any excuses for you."

Penny shot out of bed, her hair a mess. "My alarm. It didn't go off? Wait, where is my alarm?"

"You could have found it, if you cleaned this place once in awhile like we agreed upon, like wise we agreed to meet at 8:35 outside your apartment. Now we only have five minutes. Chop, chop."

" I can't get ready in five minutes. I haven't decided what I need to wear."

"I already picked out your clothes."

The suite she wore when they went to court sat at the foot of her bed. With a groan she pulled back her sheets.

* * *

**AN: There are so may directions I can take this. I'm trying to think of a way to give Sheldon and Penny a break and focus on the other characters. It's hard to write for the others. What I am trying to go for is that everything tries to interfere with the Shenny process. Amy comes back with some 'great news' that upsets both Sheldon and Penny, (Amy is thinking about accepting Fasil's marriage proposal and she being perfectly ok with Sheldon and Penny makes them uncomfortable, even upsets Penny that Amy's acting like Sheldon had meant nothing to her, not taking Sheldon's feelings into consideration before agreeing to marry another man.) On top of that Sheldon's sister comes to live with Sheldon for awhile, after her husband leaves her. **


	7. The Work Day Congruence

**AN:** **Before I continue I would like to thank all of you again for the reviews. **

**Just a little interesting fact for you, the scene where Penny is almost late for her job is a nod to an episode 8 Simple Rules, where her character Bridget Hennessy is almost late for her first job. I wanted to see how many people would notice. **

** And if you're wondering, the reason Sheldon hired her as his assistant was because he didn't want Penny to notice that something was up. But boy does she notice. That wackadoodle can't get anything past, in his words, *poor unexpecting Penny* Will she get it out of him? Stay tuned to find out. **

**In the mean time, I've been taking a break from this story, stalking the Shenny tumblr pages. It's helping me a lot. It's a good way to connect with other Shippers. **

** One thing I found interesting is that, several Shenny fans pointed out how much Sheldon 'check's' Penny out. I realized he does this a lot. But the one I remember distinctively is the yoga scene. He just doesn't stare at her chest this time, I mean he full out looks at all of her, and his eyes seem to linger to her backside. ****He is an ass man like they made him out to be in the unaired Pilot. LOL.** It would be funny if he didn't understand why he does it, he just notices her 'assets." Aw, Shelly has a thing for curvy women. But doesn't know why or how to act on it because somewhere that part of his brain malfunctioned due to being too much of a genius. 

**Watch a clip of this scene and you'll see. At the start it looks like he's trying to avoid noticing her. He's like,** _Why do I find the need to stare at Penny's nether regions? _

** I think this started the very first time they met, when she came out with nothing on but a towel. Poor Shelly looked away embarrassed. A part of me says it was just the Texan way he was taught, to be a gentlemen, look away. **

** Another interesting discussion, there was a post about who should snap Penny out of her denial about her feelings for Sheldon, it should be Sheldon's sister Missy! **

* * *

Her first day on the job went surprisingly well, slow but alright. She sat in Raj's old desk that still had a few of his things. Sheldon had her straighten out the desk so he could give them back to him. That was all she was going to do for him. She wasn't going to let him take advantage of his position and make her run errands unrelated to his job.

To her further surprise he did not protest. _Score one for Queen P. _But hadn't that been a little too easy? What was he hiding?

Before she could get to the bottom of it, Dr. Gabelhauser came in, doing a routine check up for new assistance. He approved of her work and gave her the job but not before he had a private chat with Sheldon, something about an office romance, and 'crapping where you eat." To Penny it didn't make a lick of sense. Why would you take a crap where you eat? She would never go into restaurant bathrooms. Perhaps that's what that meant.

* * *

Penny joined the guys at their table for lunch. She listened to their mindless chatter, well to her it was mindless chatter.

There was no awkwardness between her and Leonard, which was a plus. They talked with no problems, like they were old friends.

Leonard asked how she was liking the new job and if she and Sheldon had driven each other crazy yet.

The awkwardness seemed to resurface. But elsewhere. Between her and Sheldon. He was hiding something. And she was going to find out what it was.

The rest of the gang watched as Penny and Sheldon struck up a conversation , not once did they go into one of their little banters or rants that they often seemed to do. They seemed oblivious to the others.

"I've always taken "don't crap where you eat' literally." Penny was saying.

"I always did too. Until it was pointed out to me derisively." He didn't say Amy's name because he knew this wasn't the time and the place.

"I'm still not using public bathrooms." Penny said.

"Agreed. Who knows what God forsaken bacteria causing diseases

"Oh, look at the time." Penny looked at the clock on the far wall behind her. "Don't want to be late."

"I'll escort you back to make sure you find the right room."

"I can find my way back, Sheldon." Despite her protest he stood by his offer.

"... all the hallways look the same, you can easily get lost like a genie pig in a maze, not saying you are one parse, you do have a higher intelligence..."

Sheldon walked her out of the cafeteria.

"Ok, what is going on?" Leonard asked.

"It's like we crossed over into another dimension." Howard agreed with Leonard.

As Sheldon came back Leonard asked, "Hey, Sheldon, you want to catch me up?"

"Sheldon had a sex dream about Penny." Howard said, bringing his voice down.

"It was not a sex dream it was a dirty dream." Sheldon said.

"I'm not sure I want to ask but I'm going to anyway, what was the dream about?" Leonard asked.

"I kissed Penny."

"That's your definition of dirty?" Howard sounded disappointed.

"She put a hand up his shirt. That's dirty enough for me." said Raj. "And I'm so proud of him. He's finally turning into a real boy." He started to tear up, "Oh, God, now I'm getting emotional."

* * *

"Sheldon, it's for you." Leonard had a worried look on his face. "It's your sister."

Sheldon grabbed the phone for him, walking to his room.

"Is she ok?" Penny asked.

"She sounded upset."

"Pack your things Leonard, Missy is coming to stay with me for a while."

"So you're kicking me out? Can't she stay in a motel or something?" Leonard asked.

"No sister of mine is staying in a motel, it's down right unsanitary. That can't be healthy for baby."

"She's bringing the baby?"

"Her husband just left her Leonard."

"You could have mentioned that a few seconds ago. If she's staying in my bedroom where am I going to sleep?'

"Over at Penny's."

"Sheldon, you don't expect Leonard to move in with me."

"Nonsense. You'll sleep on the couch."

"Come again?"

"Correction. Our couch. That way you'll be able to comfort Missy and give her advice, and in return talk about your own failed relationship."


	8. The Cooper Inference

A few days later, Amy came back from her trip. "Fasil wants me to marry him. That's the only way he can insure I don't lose my funding." She told the girls.

"What did you say?" Bernadette asked her, her voice slightly filled with glee, the other half laced with guilt.

"I sort of said yes."

"You said yes?" Penny nearly screeched, but it wasn't out of delight. It was out of disappointment. How was Sheldon going to take this? He had been displaying more human like emotions lately, that this 'big news' had to effect him somehow. But in truth she was blind to the real reason, she was worried that her whackadoodle would get hurt.

"What else was I supposed to say?"

"Uh how about no?" Penny said sarcastically.

"I couldn't have done that. What can I say I'm a sucker for romance."

"What about Sheldon?" Penny asked.

"If you'll excuse me. I'm going to make some more tea." Bernadette said. She was taking her time, but neither Penny or Amy seemed to notice.

"What about Sheldon? Penny I'm sure what Sheldon and I had didn't qualify as romance. Well on his part."

Penny was blowing smoke. How could she not care? Did she not care about him at all? Did she not think about him all summer? "And all that time you were away you didn't think once about what you and Sheldon had?" _She and Leonard would be perfect for each other. _ She had to stop thinking like this. Penny was a nice person. She could never hurt anybody. She didn't like that, being torn between friends. It wasn't fair. It was like becoming close with Sheldon had brought out a monster. Being with Leonard had made her a bitter alcoholic, a different kind of monster. But this monster, it was a wild fire of rage. Was she...jealous? No, this monster was a whole new species. It was protective.

"I did. And I think it's appropriate to terminate the relationship agreement effective immediately. It's time we both moved on."

"You decided. You could've consulted him about it, discussed it with him."

"There was nothing to discuss. I've waited for him for years and I got nothing in return. Penny, while we're being honest, I have a confession to make. I know you and Sheldon have this special connection, which is why it didn't come as big of a shock to me when Leonard told me you went on a date."

"How many times do I have to tell people it wasn't a date."

"The details that were given, one could agree to disagree. When you accompanied us to our first date, I sensed a physical attraction between you. I felt threatened by it. That's why I tried being your bestie, not just because I never had one before. That way I wouldn't have to worry about coming in between me and Sheldon."

"You just barged into my life, rubbing your sent over my stuff just because you thought I'd steal Sheldon from you?"

" Yes. Which I understand was a very crappy thing to do. But you did eventually become one of my closest friends. And if we weren't friends I would have never realized how wrong I was, why I really craved for human contact and affection from him. I was giving into my primal urges, therefore I cannot blame myself, Sheldon clearly is the Alpha male, which were clearly the aspects you were attracted to when you were dating 'jerks' but Sheldon is different. And you're different when you're around him."

"What do you mean?"

"Your pupils dilate when you make eye contact. Your pupils never dilated when you looked at Leonard."

"So?"

"Pupil dilation is a clear sign of arousal in humans."

* * *

"That manipulative bitch." Penny screamed, storming into Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, after Sheldon opened it for her. She spotted Missy on the couch, holding baby Joe, who was sleeping in her arms.

"Sorry Missy."

"No worries, hun, Baby Joe can sleep through anything. Not even if a tornado blew through this place."

"Given the Geological region that would be highly impossible."

"It was a figure of speech Sheldon." Penny said to him.

"Now if you don't mind me askin, pardon my language, who's a bitch?" asked Missy.

"Amy." Penny went on to explain what happened. She left out the parts where Amy mentioned that she thought Penny and Sheldon were psychically attracted to each other.

"I'm sure she meant well." Sheldon said.

"She sounds a lot like Shelly." Missy shifted the baby to her other shoulder. "explains why it didn't work out. My husband and I were two peas in a pod." She stopped herself noticing the awkwardness of the situation. "I'm gonna put him down. I'll be out in a minute if y'all want to still talk."

"You can count me out. I'm going to check in." Sheldon said, adjusting his robe belt. "It's almost past my bedtime."

"Alright. Good night sweetie." Penny said to him.

Missy came back into the living room less than three minutes later. "You still want to have that talk?"

"No. I think I'm going to go to bed as well." She sat down on the couch.

"If you change your mind, you'll know where to find me."

_What on earth did Missy want to talk about? _

* * *

Penny found that she couldn't sleep. She tried changing positions but that didn't help. Her head rested in Sheldon's spot. She closed her eyes but then felt a sudden brightness behind her lids. When she opened them she saw the light streaming from the bathroom. She thought she had heard the shuffling of feet.

Penny checked her cell phone that she had set on the coffee table.

4 a.m.

She knew it couldn't be Sheldon. His scheduled bathroom time wasn't for two hours yet.

Hearing the bathroom door open, she turned on her side, facing the back of the couch.

She waited for the shuffling to stop. When she was sure whoever's feet she heard, were back in the bedroom, she got up, walking to Leonard's bedroom.

She might as well have 'that talk' with Missy.

Her notion turned out to be right. It had been Missy who had gotten up to use the restroom.

Sheldon's sister was standing over Joe's crib. She seemed to be stroking his hair, or feeling his temperature.

"Sorry to disturb you?"

"Nonsense." Missy said.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure. I don't think it'll wake up him up either."

Penny looked around the door, straight ahead, in the corner of the room, Sheldon was fast asleep in the computer chair.

"Aw, he is such a cutie." Penny stepped toward the crib, peering down at the fair-haired baby.

Missy still had her eyes on Sheldon. "The big baby or the little baby?"

"The little baby of course."

"I've heard about you and Leonard. It didn't work out?"

"Something's just don't, you know."

Missy nodded. "I do."

"It's just been kind of rough, and Sheldon has been helping me out a lot and seeing as Amy left him." She rolled her eyes, as she said her name. "We helped each other out." Penny takes her eyes off the baby to find Missy starting at her."What?"

"I have one thing to ask you," she turns to Penny and says, "Girl you are head over heels for Shelly aren't you?"

"Me and Sheldon, come on Missy. It could never happen.'

"Why not?"

"Because he's Sheldon."

"You're gonna have to do better than that darling."

When Penny couldn't argue, Missy continued, "It might not seem like he cares one bit about anybody or even gives a damn or like he hasn't got feelings but we both know he is capable of feeling like we do. He just displays it a bit differently. He cares about those he feels play an important part in his life. But he seems to care about you the most of all. He let's you get close. Not too many people he allows into his close personal space."

"You got that right." Thinking back to when she climbed in the shower with Sheldon in order to avoid being seen by Leonard. The Sheldon she had started out with wouldn't have stood for that. He would have rather let Leonard catch her. She glanced over at the lanky physicist, all tangled limbs in a chair that seemed too small. _How could he be comfortable? Damn, is he going to be stiff in the morning._ This Sheldon was a far cry from the Sheldon she knew, even now...

"Penny do you love Sheldon?"

"Of course I do. I've known him for a long time." _Sometimes it feels like I've known him longer than Leonard. _

"That's not what I was asking."

"then what are you asking?"

"I'm asking if you're in love with my brother?"

"I can't be in love with Sheldon."

'And again I ask, why not?'

"Because things are complicated. He's complicated. It wouldn't work. We're complete opposites."

"I think you and Shelly are more alike than you think. both of you are down right stubborn. How you two both carry on the way you do, the banter and teasing, you all know how to push each others buttons, but it doesn't break ye, it makes both of ye stronger, you challenge each other and that's how a real relationship should be. When you was with Leonard you weren't that bright ray of sunshine, when you two weren't rollin aroun' in the hay stack, you were bringin each other down, bringin out the worst in each other, anyway that's what Shelly says. It makes my question your choice in men."

"No offense Missy, but I don't think you're in a position to judge right now. You're husband just left you." Once those words were out, they sounded like they were meant to offend, they came out harsh. And Penny was a nice person. She could never be mean. But when something was upsetting her in her personal life, she lashed out. "I'm sorry, Missy."

"No, no, no. I understand." _She's still in denial. _ "Maybe I am not in the position to judge, everyone does it, but it's what we Coopers do best."

Penny nodded. "Well thanks for the talk Missy. I'm going to try to get some sleep."

"Alrighty, sug. I'm gonna try to get the big baby to his own bedroom or he'll be stiff as a board later and he'll chew me ear out for not waken him up. After that, I'll still be awake , so you know where I'll be if ye need me." She went over to Sheldon, whispering, "Shelly, wake up."

Penny closed the door quietly, though unnecessary. _Holy crap on a cracker. _ No way was she getting any sleep. But her problem seemed smaller at the moment. Sheldon's sister couldn't sleep either, her husband left her, the one person that was supposed to mean the world to you. Now she was left alone, with a baby. She was a single mother. But she wasn't alone she had Sheldon and her. Missy felt like a sister to her, an older sister, Penny always wished she had growing up, wishing that she wasn't the oldest child in the Wyatt family.

She thought of Missy's conversation about Leonard, examining it rationally.

Penny went over the ideals of her and Leonard's relationship. Would she have ended up like Missy if she had stayed in her commitment with him? Who would've been there for her?

She tried playing back in her mind, why or when it had all gone wrong. Trying to work it out, she got distracted.

She could hear Sheldon's tired voice, mumbling something to Missy.

Her thought automatically went to him.

As she lay there, remembering all of her relationship with Sheldon, she started realizing that she is, indeed, in love with him. The important little moments, that had never seen that important, until now.

_4 years ago _

Penny enters the laundry room, she sees Sheldon folding his laundry. She didn't expect to see him. Penny remembers his schedule, his routine so well and it worried her when she saw him doing things at the wrong time of the week. "It's not Saturday night, why are you doing your laundry?"

"This is not my laundry." Penny picked up a pair of leopard print underwear.

"Wow, are these Amy's? Kind of trashy, good for her." She had sounded kind of jealous.

"Those are Howard's."

Penny cringes, "Ugh." dropping them back into the pile. "Why are you washing Howard's man panties?"

"Because if I don't, he won't give my paper to Stephen Hawking. He's a famous physicist."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, he's the wheelchair dude who invented time."

"That's close enough."

"I don't understand, why doesn't Howard just introduce you to the guy?"

"Because he's punishing me for being a, quote, condescending jerk. You don't think I'm condescending, do you?

He cares about how she sees him. Penny trying to moderate her answer "Well…"

Taking her time, he goes on to correct her, thinking her pause is because she doesn't know what condescending meant. "I know what it means. And yes, you love correcting people and putting them down."

"When I correct people I am raising them up. You should know, I do it for you more than anyone."

"Come on, you do it to feel superior. I see that twinkle in your eye when someone says who instead of whom or thinks the moon is a planet."

"Or Don Quixote is a book about a donkey named Hotay."

"See, there it is, there's that twinkle." Penny could very well tell, just by the look in his eyes, what he's thinking.

"Well, I can't help it. That's an involuntary twinkle."

"See? There it is, there's that twinkle!"

Sheldon's little smile faded, as if he was thinking "Oh dear lord, she can read me like an open book, let's make a poker face. "I can't help it. It's an involuntary twinkle.'

Penny knows Sheldon when everyone doesn't know him, it's Penny knowing him and reading his beautiful genius mind.

What she did not know was that twinkle wasn't because he was feeling 'superior' He was feeling something totally new. But he'd always got that 'twinkle' when he looked when he was proud of her. When he 'corrected' her, it was because he wanted her to succeed in her life, not just wanting what was best for her.

Doing the laundry with him had always been her It's where she could talk with him without being interrupted.

The second thing she enjoyed doing with him the most, was getting the mail and walking up the three flights of stairs were they would plight in casual conversations, or playful banter.

They thing she dreaded, but not too much, taking him shopping.

* * *

_8 years ago_

Penny was getting her mail, a new express card was waiting for her.

"Uh oh." Sheldon said when he saw her.

_Alright, he's trying to avoid me for some reason. _

"I need to get my mail." He said.

"Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically?" She asked.

"I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus."

"God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other?"

"Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus."

"Okay, here's the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus.

"Good, good. I'm glad we're still friends."

" Really?" She thought that he would be glad to finally be rid of her.

"Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain.

"Right." The started up the first flight of stairs. "So, how you been?

"Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period."

"You're just coitusing with me, aren't you?

"Bazinga."

_ Her mind went back to the second time she found Sheldon doing laundry, not on a Saturday. _

_6 weeks ago_

"What are you doing down here, sweetie? Howard making you do his laundry again?"

"No. I just decided to take a trip on the wild side. You know, being single again makes it easier to embrace the chaos."

"Ooh, you gonna play the bongos again?'

"No. I'm gonna use fabric softener."

"Why don't you...I don't know...try to ignore the rules of the laundry room for once?"

"What are you talking about? I can't leave my laundry unattended. They might end up on the telephone pole. May I point out the Panty Piñata Polarization of 2008." It was not a far sight in his mind. At the end of it, he concluded that Penny was the only worthy opponent in a game of 'Sheldon Cooper's battle of wits'

"I was talking about the sign behind me." Penny pointed to it, then continued to fold her clothes.

"The sign behi..." He turned around as he remembered what sign she meant, "you wanna have coitus with me in the laundry room?" And the shirt Penny is wearing is the one he helped her get dressed in, when she had slipped in the tub and dislocated her shoulder.

"No. Sheldon."

"You want us to strip down to our tidy whities?"

"Just you." She smiled at him, her face scrunched up. "Bazinga!" She said in a sing song voice.

Sheldon looked annoyed but then smiled. Realizing what he just did, he turned back around quickly but Penny already saw it. The smile on his face, wasn't his koala face. It was a real genuine smile. One in a long line.

* * *

"Shelly, wake up."

"No. Penny." He muttered in his sleep.

"Shelly." She whispered in his ear.

He waved her away, as her breath blew into his ear, ruffling his hair a bit.

She used his full name this time to try to get him awake.

"Penny."

"It's Missy. You were having a bad dream."

"Where's Penny?"

"She's asleep on the couch."

"No, I lost Penny." He sounded like he was half asleep, or maybe he was still sleeping and was sleep taking.

"Come on." She guided him to the living room, having to support most of his weight. (thank goodness she was the same height or it would have been an even more difficult feat.) Now she knew it wasn't wise to wake a sleepwalker, but she hoped that by hearing her, if he really did, that it would ease his subconscious. "See there she is. She's alright. Now let's get you to bed."

Penny had heard their voices coming toward her, Missy's shuffling feet.

She could tell something was not right with Sheldon. She could make out his vague outline as faint light started to stream through the window. The sun was starting to rise. Missy was guiding him.

She closed her eyes, pretending she was asleep, not wanting to disturb them.

* * *

He couldn't take his eyes off her the first time he met hers.

Ever since she called him, "A beautiful mind." he had always been impressed with her. He never felt that way about anyone and would never admit it 'if' he came across someone worthy to impress him. And he did.

When he thought she couldn't impress him enough, she proved wrong, her acting skills were phenomenal.

Sheldon watched intently, observing Penny as she was delivering her lines,

**_lovers that is by love._**

Sheldon involuntary swallowed hearing the last word. He did not know it, but what the dialog described the relationship between him and Penny. But he did know that he was proud of her. "She's remarkable." What was that in his voice, awe and exasperation, but what else? He covered it up by adding something he would usually say,"She can remember all those lines, but she can't remember no tomato on my hamburger", hoping the other's wouldn't catch on but they were too immersed in the play themselves.

He never saw it coming.

_It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half in shadow_

* * *

They didn't eat breakfast until 11 a.m.

The baby was put down for his nap. "He's been sleepin a lot more lately." Missy said, putting butter on her toast. "Must be growin again. You know I think he might be tall..."

Leonard briefly stopped by to grab some breakfast to go. He had been called into work unexpectedly. They wanted to review his research.

"That's great Leonard." Sheldon muttered. Not like him at all. He would usually reply with a snide remark.

Missy was watching Sheldon with a careful eye. _Did he remember his dream last night? Is that why he's actin all...well...stranger. He's never this quiet. _She thought of asking him later, when Penny wasn't around. Then again, if she asked him about it he wouldn't tell her anyways. She decided to leave it alone.


	9. The Nether Region Analysis

It was the last day Leonard had to spend on Penny's. Missy had gotten a job at the Cheesecake Factory, after Penny had put in a good word for her, and moved closer to town in a little two bedroom apartment.

Penny came over to grab a few things. "After all these years I just realized that we were just pretending that we were compatible. Schrodinger's cat isn't opening the box and seeing if the cat is alive or dead, it's the fact that the cat's alive or dead without the universe's say-so or seeing, and no matter how much we say we work it doesn't change the fact that what's happened in the box has happened, with or without our consent!"

"Your real reason for breaking off the engamnent is Schrodinger's cat?"

"We didn't really talk, or spend time understanding each other. It was just coitus. What we had was inevitable, and you know it, Leonard."

"You're sounding like Sheldon," he says, and now he sounds bitter. "You know the more you're with him..."

"Don't bring Sheldon into this please?" She put her hands together, begging him.

"It just feels like you're trying to shut me out for good. I just...want to know what I did wrong."

He said, what _I did wrong_. For once he wasn't blaming it on her.

"Leonard," she says, and her voice is shaky with unshed tears, and she catches his tense fingers in her hands, pulls his arms from their defensive position crossed in front of his chest. "Leonard," she says. "For what it's worth, we were together, and we tried, and I wanted to believe. I'm glad I took this road, I'm glad I believed we could work."

He breathes out, closes his eyes for a long moment before letting them open. "But we couldn't," he says. "We can't."

"Not like this," she says. "This isn't us. This isn't who I want to be. But I do want to be your friend."

* * *

Penny came into his appartment, not even knocking. Normally he would protest, going on an endless rant on how rude it was, but he stopped himself when he noticed tear tracks on her face. "I was auditioning for a role. I didn't agree with the director and there was yelling and he called me a fat whore." Her tone came to a high pitch, indicating she was in fact in distress.

"Well you are a little more on the beffy side than those other woman and you have been around a bit."

"Sheldon!."

"That was a compliment. Obviously you don't know a compliment when you hear one. That's almost as bad as me not understanding everyone else's sarcasm."

"Sheldon. Do you think I'm attractive?" She didn't pause to give him time to answer, feeling she already knew it. "Never mind. Look who I'm asking."

"Now, hold on a minute. What's that supposed to mean? What I may lack in relationship skills doesn't mean I don't notice another woman's beauty. It's an evolutionary fault even I cannot escape. Sheldon Lee Cooper cannot just turn a blind eye to it."

She started at him a few seconds, her eyes softening. The hero always peeks. She loved it when he would go into so much detail, and couldn't give her a straight answer. It showed he put some thought behind it. That he truley cared, but it probably was just Sheldon being Sheldon. He couldn't just answer a yes or no question without giving a huge speech of why he made the decision. He had like a million pistons going off in his brain, it was like his mouth was always trying to keep up. "And I happened to have noticed that you're a very attractive woman. Although given the evidence of your skill at Halo would otherwise contradict..."

She moved forward putting her arms out to him as if about to embrace him. She put her hands to his face, pulling him to her, kissing him.

She expected him to be tense, his mouth drawn tight, but he seemed to give in. His lips were gentle but his hands were firm, surprisingly strong, like the men she used to prefer to date. It was their strong hands that were stronger than hers, hands that could take control. She loved that in a man.

She pulled away to look at him. She studied his face and his freckles, and the cowlicks in his brown hair and she saw that he was someone entirely different. She was scared, exhilarated, knowing there was no going back.

"Penny, you're drunk."

She was taken aback, staring at him bewildered. "I'm not drunk. How can you think that?"

"Ok, if you're not under the influence of alcohol, the current situation suggests that you're in desperate need to seek another man's affection, and seeing I would be your last option in exchange emotion, which you know I am uncomfortable with, if I wasn't the one home right now, you would have kissed any other man within reach of this apartment."

Penny remained silent before shouting, "Men they're all the same." She left, storming out of the apartment.

* * *

**AN: A short chapter this time! I had to write what I had on the top of my head. In the last chapter we've seen a lot of development of Penny and Sheldon's characters, that they're finally realizing that they have feelings for each other, having reflected their pasts experiences. And Sheldon's nightmare about 'losing Penny' I don't even know myself what that was about. Quite possibly Penny couldn't put up with him anymore and moved away, taking a part in a tv series or went back with Leonard. Anyway I like the first solution better. :) **


	10. The Grandfather Effect

She didn't' t know the reasons why she had kept going back to Leonard in the past. Perhaps it was a number of reasons. Loneliness, feeling that you cannot attract another man, convenience, or low self-esteem. According to her therapists. She never told her family or friends that she had gone to see one, during the time

Another possibility is that no one modeled for you what a good relationship is like." The therapists suggested. (Penny wasn't feeling inclined to share the details of her past background.) "You had a good childhood and you have a healthy relationship with your parents. Even so, their relationship may not have been healthy and that could have been where you learned some of your problematic behaviors."

In other terms she didn't like being alone. She used to think '_Being in an unhealthy relationship is better than not being in a relationship at all." _

* * *

_Leonard _

When I think about her, I don't think about the year 2010 or the bad times. I think of the great times from September 2008 through October 2009. I was so happy. I think about the way she used to be. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never get over her. Maybe I shouldn't, anyway, as she was my first love, and I think most people never 100% get over their first loves. I'm good at hiding this around the people I'm with, from friends and family, but deep inside I'm insanely unhappy. I miss her. I miss the way things used to be. Yes, I realize that the girl I love no longer exists. The girl I love is, basically a completely different person in every way, and I also understand that times will never be like they used to be, but I can't help it, I just… I think about her so much, and honestly, sometimes I still get into tears.

I had this story played out in my head of how I thought my life was going to go with my ex. It was going to be great, and as she pulled away from me it hurt. But that is because it wasn't following the story I had planned out. It wasn't how I wanted our lives to go. The good thing about stories is that they can be re-written and updated. When I realized that it was my story and not my heart that was broke. I realized that it was my story and I could change it. So I started to work on re-writing my story (in the present, not the past).

* * *

Leonard would be the last person she went to for this, but who else could she tell? She trusted her instinct that Leonard wouldn't be the jealous ex boyfriend.

"You kissed Sheldon!" Leonard was surprised but more shocked.

"Could you talk any louder please? It's not like I meant to. I was upset and it just happened."

"Just to be curious, how was it?"

She hit him with a pillow.

"Ow. What did I do now?"

Penny brought her voice down to a whisper. "He could be listening."

" It's bad enough you were starting to sound like him, now you're starting to get more paranoid than he is. And I doubt that he's listening. So how was it.?"

"It was wet, I was crying."

"Why were you crying?"

"Say, theoretically, if somebody called me fat or a whore and I asked you if I was attractive, what would you say?"

"I'd say, that you were attractive."

"See, there it is."

"What?"

"Every time I asked for you opinion, you were too quick to answer, without giving me any reason why."

"So, you're mad at me now because I always gave you a straight forward answerer?"

"Yes."

"It always made me feel like you weren't putting any thought behind you're answer as if you were always trying to dumb it down for me."

"You know how crazy that is right?"

Penny shrugged.

* * *

Sheldon found himself overwhelmed after Penny had kissed him. He spent endless hours trying to figure out what it all meant.

When she came over to hang with the guys, they wouldn't say much to each other. She would still sit in her spot next to him.

It was her turn on the Wii to challenge Howard to Just Dance.

Once again Sheldon's eyes wandered to Penny's nether regions, (her behind.) following every elegant curve that complemented her body.

When the song was over, she plopped down next to him. Her chest heaving with exertion. He watched as her breasts rose and fell. It was only when she turned her head toward him that he had been staring too long. He looked away, his face growing hot.

Every time he was in close proximity to her, his temperature seemed to drop until it felt like he was boiling, his heart beat would increase. Her hand would innocently brush his and his palms would being to sweat.

He'd have to try to find out what was going on with him.

Later that night, he tried to match his symptoms with medical opinions over the internet. Leonard had almost caught him doing so.

The last thing Sheldon wanted was his roommate to think he was in bad health. If he was Leonard, and thought that it was anything catching, he'd kick him out and find another roommate to replace him with.

To avoid any unwanted attention from his friends and colleagues, he ran the tests on himself in the solace of his office.

He needed a real professional opinion.

* * *

_"Dr. Barnett, there's a man demanding to see you." A nurse told Stephanie. She explained that the patient seemed unsettled. Nothing to be concerned about. But Stephanie should at least talk with him. She wanted to see if the patient was 'all right' before she called psychiatry._

_ "Sheldon?" Stephanie was surprised, and suddenly very concerned. _

_The young nurse read her expression, "Do you want me to stay...?" _

_ 'There's no need for that." She said to the nurse. "I know him. He's all right."_

_The nurse just nodded and went back to her tasks. _

_"Sheldon, what are you doing here?" Doctor Barnett asked. _

_"I refused to see any other doctor, except you."_

_"You're not making me do a full routine checkup this time, are you. There are real patients that I have to get back to..."_

_ "No. Of course not. This time it's serious."_

_ Stephanie called Leonard and told him that Sheldon made an unexpected visit, there was nothing to worry about. They made plans to meet for coffee. _

* * *

"You stayed up all night again, huh?" Bernadette asked. Sheldon was working away at his board.

"What you're experiencing can't be explained by math equations or Science. You're in love with Penny."

"That's ridiculous."

"It might. But did even Homo novus isn't evolved above having a partner?"

This made Sheldon think.

* * *

"You kissed me because you missed Leonard."

"No. I didn't. I don't even miss him."

"You still have feelings for him don't you?"

"No I don't."

He was listening but he wasn't buying it. "How many times, Penny, have I told you why the after effects of Coitus leads to one to believe they're in love..."

_blah, blah, blah, _

_"_Like a millions times."

"That is highly exaggerated."

She let him go on with his rampant speech.

"Now don't you roll your eyes at me."

"I wasn't. "

"You were going to."

_Damn how did he guess?_

_"_If you go back to Leonard again, I strictly caution you..."

"After what I've been through with him, we are not getting back together."

"Are you..."

"Sure, yes. You have my solemn pledge."

"I have mixed thoughts, knowing your track record.

"It won't happen Sheldon."

"You would need to give me a solid reason for you hypothesis."

"You want a sold reason? Fine, I'll give it to you. I don't want him. I want you." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished she could take them back.

"In what universe would you want me?"

She started at him blankly for a few seconds before looking at the ground. "I screwed up Sheldon." She sat down on her couch. "I ruined our first kiss."

"Our first kiss? I doubt that counted. Let me tell you why before you shrewdly interrupt me, I will give you two reasons. 1. You initiated it but I simply wasn't ready. And 2. Was there no tongue access?"

"No."

"Then that hardly qualifies as our first kiss."

Her face grew hot as she blushed, the corners of her mouth pulling into a smile.

* * *

_ Aug 20_

She got a call from her mother that her grandfather had passed away. Her mother's father.

The cause of death was as yet unknown, though his health has been in decline since a massive stroke suffered last year.

The first person Penny went to for comfort was Sheldon. He flew with her all the way to Nebraska. After the flight it took a while to regain feeling back in her hand.

When Penny told her mother she'd be going to spend time with Sheldon and his family, she wasn't

You should be here with your family.

"They're like a second family." There was truth to that. Sheldon's family did feel like a family to her. "Don't worry, I'll be safe. I'll call you." She gave her mother a hug.

* * *

The arrived in Texas.

Sheldon's family did the best to accommodate her and give her space if she needed to. She was family to them. They all got along well. Even Sheldon's Meemaw took a liking to her. Evelyn Smith noticed that there was something going on between the two of them, even Mary saw it.

"That girl has a good strong head on her soldiers. If you know better Shelly you best, don't let that one get away." Mary Cooper could have been teasing but there was seriousness to her tone.

Mary got out the baby pictures, thinking it was a good way for Penny to bond with the rest of the family, though she really didn't mean too.

"Aw, look at Sheldon. He was so cute!" Penny picked up a school picture of Sheldon when he was four years old.

While Mary, Missy, and Penny all cued over the baby pictures, Meemaw took Sheldon aside to talk to him in the kitchen.

He tried to convince her that he didn't have feelings for Penny, but she called him out on his bluff.

"People always said that you think too much and you don't feel enough, but I have always known better. You feel just as deeply as anyone else, you just don't understand it or want to deal with it. But you listen to your Meemaw and make sure that girl in there gets this ring. And I'd prefer it happen while I'm still around to dance at your wedding."

Sheldon nodded again and smiled as he watched her stand up. Even at 80, Meemaw was still the sharpest woman in the family. She took a step towards him and planted a kiss on his forehead before she went back to the living room.

"Ooh, look at this one." Came Penny's voice.

* * *

_Leonard_

_I never chatted with her on Facebook anymore. We just hung out across the hall along with the guys and the girls. He was never alone with her. Was she purposely trying to avoid it?_

_When he messaged his friends, they said they hadn't heard from her either._

_They had said,_

**Let her grief. **

** Her grandfather just died. Give her some time. **

**She'll contact us when she's ready.**

_ Maybe was still with Sheldon and his family. I decided to check up on her._

_ On her profile, she had a list of the "top 10 things she loved", and number one, I saw a picture of her and Sheldon captioned, 'my life and "best friend in the whole wide world". _

_That hurt me so badly, to know that she wrote that about another guy, who was my best friend, when I know, deep down and up front in my heart that I am better than that guy in each and every humanly way possible. But the fact that she wrote that after everything we'd been together, the promises she made to me, all the memories we made and the time we shared, it really has messed up my psyche and self esteem. Those words weren't meant for my eyes, but guess what, I went looking and paid the price. I could have been happier today if I'd never saw those words written about him being the "love of her life" and the "greatest thing that's ever happened to her" and "the most amazing man she's ever met" and her "best friend in the whole wide world". Ignorance is bliss, and, in hindsight, I would have rather lived ignorantly than to see her write things that I deem simply blasphemous. I KNOW I've allowed her to have a MASSIVE impact on my self esteem and I'm just simply nowhere near as assured, confident and relaxed as I never was to being with, and that — for lack of a better word — sucks._

_When she got over this thing with Sheldon, if it's just a thing, she'd meet someone, move out of the apartment, and drift away from the group._

_I'd probably still try to keep in contact with her, and then she'd stop messaging me completely. I'd still keep checking her Facebook status. And one day discover her getting married to someone else._

_I took a vow to never look her up again because I'd just be torturing himself._

_When she told me she didn't want to marry me anymore, the pain was so intense. It's still intense._

_I stared at the page as I thought deeply,_

_"What will you gain looking her up? You'll just see a picture of her husband, that was supposed to be you, and then you'll see her with her child even after she promised you — years ago — of the one you and her were supposed to have." _

_I know I gain nothing by dwelling on the past. I accept that. I just feel that the memories we made were all for naught. I feel like I'm just a footnote, and I'll always remember her and think of the memories we made for the remainder of my life. _

_ I need to stop torturing myself. _

_I had a woman. I had let her go once because I wasn't ready to take things fast. I had never felt that way with Penny._

_After Stephanie and I had put aside our differences we decided to start dating again. The more I think of her I realize __for once in a long time, my life feels great. It is definitely doable. Just start focusing on the solution and not the problem. It will be a tough journey._

* * *

**AN: **I was debating between who to bring back Stepahnie or Leslie. After re-watching most epiosdes with Leslie and Leonard, and Leonard and Stephanie, Stephanie seems to have more chemistry with Leonard than Leslie did.


End file.
